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Fic: Onigiri

fanfiction humor

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#1 OFFLINE   Hex


    Stefano's Obscura

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Posted 22 March 2014 - 04:51 AM

I wrote this at 3 in the morning because I couldn't sleep.  I'm not sure why, but I hope you enjoy.


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Rei asked for very little in life.  No, really, she did.  When faced with the choice of the big microwave or the small one, she just waved her hands and let Miku take care of it.  "Rei-san, would you prefer the orange or green blinds?"  Who cares?  The house seemed determined to be bathed in blue light anyway.  All that concerned her was being able to sit down after a long day, maybe pinch a biscuit or two, and read a good book.  This is hard to do when you're room mate is having a psychotic breakdown, however.
It started with the onigiri, or rather Rei's lack of ingesting it.  Peering over the kitchen counter with a look caught between curiosity and mild disapproval one morning, Miku placed her hands on either side of the bowl, as if to emphasize it's existence, and spoke in a steady voice.
"I noticed you haven't touched your food."
If Rei didn't know better, she'd say that sounded like an accusation.  A scoff escaped her, not turning as she replied, too focused on channel surfing and stroking the black cat fast asleep in her lap.  
"I'm sure the chef can forgive me this once."
"Rei, look at me."
What now towered over the onigiri was not Miku.  The girl standing in the kitchen was not the same who bought kaleidoscopes and named them (Rei silently prayed this was just a phase).  No, this was a different creature.  It's eyes were wild and the hair had become loose, twisting at the ends like barbed wire.
"Do I look like I'm in the mood to piss about?" the beast growled, curling it's hands into fists.  "Are you aware of the amount of love and care I put into every bowl?  Do you even care about me at all, Rei?"  
Instinctively, Rei wrapped her arms around Ruri.  This could get ugly.  
"Or is it" the beast continued, stepping through to the living room "that onigiri is just a joke to you?  Do you find it funny?"
It was in her blood as a Kurosawa to be sarcastic and engage in a bit of banter, but something told her she wouldn't survive if she tried that now.  All she could do was cower on her couch as Miku advanced.  
"We're going to make some changes around here, you and I.  From this day onwards, I will expect you down here every morning, prepared to have your world radically altered by the finest menu this chef has to offer."
"No excuses.  Hinasaki cuisine waits for no one."
This rule was enforced dramatically.  Rei became accustomed to finding "O N I G I R I" faintly scrawled on fogged bathroom mirrors, or awaking to find her all photos switched to that of bowls almost posed in appealing positions.  Something had to be done.  
One night, Rei made the fatal mistake of calling for help.
"What do you mean "she won't let me leave"?"
"I mean she's actually ordered a bunch of futons, stacked them outside the front door as a barricade, and sealed the windows shut.  Kei, I can't even watch television.  I'm trapped!" 
"Okay, don't panic.  Do you have anything you can use as a weapon?"
"I have a few home made candles and a cat."
"It's over, isn't it."
"It doesn't look good, no.  On the bright side, everything seems normal on my en-"
Suddenly, a loud thump came from the receiver.  Clutching the phone in her shaking hands, Rei brought her only connection to the outside world closer, waiting for what she knew was coming: Miku's voice.
The resulting scream pierced through the night.  

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#2 OFFLINE   midwinter


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Posted 22 March 2014 - 08:55 PM

A truly harrowing glimpse of what may be in store for Rei. :ph34r: My sig has never felt more appropriate.


But seriously, this was great. I loved the mention of Miku naming her kaleidoscopes! And the artful yet menacing photos of bowls...

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: fanfiction, humor

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